Teaching Your Preschooler about Cancer

In our household, we are currently going through cancer treatment that has my husband in the hospital for 6 days, home for 15, and repeat two or three more times. In trying to help my children understand what is happening, we are giving them some information and limit their worry and fear.

First and foremost, we pray for Daddy's healing each and every day- more than one time a day- usually as we are beginning our day and heading for school and at night at our bedtime prayers. We are teaching our children that God is the source of our faith and we ask Him for anything and everything.

Second, we have discusses the hospital. My husband has more health issues, this is just the most recent. He has been in the hospital 5 times in 1 1/2 years. My son calls it the "boo boo house." My son understands that Daddy has to go there to get better and get medicine. Just recently, they actually got to visit him because he is usually at a hospital in a bigger town. This time he is at home "getting the medicine to make him feel better." My husband is doing an inpatient treatment, so he is in the hospital for the whole week. Worst yet, we did not know the day he went in to get a port that he would actually be admitted for the beginning of his treatment, so the children did not get to see him before he left, but did get to see him the next day.

Third, we are letting our preschooler know what might happen when he gets home. Mostly, we have told him Daddy will have a haircut (which he is going to shave his head once his hair starts to fall out) and asked him if he wanted on too. He said no. Also, that Daddy would need to rest when he got home.

While we try to make each visit to the hospital either fun or non-threatening, we do make sure they know Daddy is there to get better. We do not know how things will be when he gets home, but we are trying to prepare without worry. I do not think we need to make up a new story to make them feel better, because I believe that will only make children have more fear when they realize something is wrong. It is not an easy trial to go through, but with our faith and the support of our friends and family, we will all come through with a greater understanding of God's faithfulness and the love of our family.

How To Reward- Part 4

In the last post on preschool behavior, I discussed choosing your battles. Today, I will explain how I see rewards used appropriately. This is from more of a classroom technique, but can be applied at home too. This is also for one behavior at a time. While adult brains can process multiple learning at the same time, preschoolers need one focus. Pick the behavior you want to change the most and not focus too much on other behaviors. It will get too confusing for your child.

First, it is true, try to "accentuate the positive!" If you reward the positive, then your child is getting attention for the behaviors you want to see increase. If you only discipline the negative, an attention seeking child, ie: most preschoolers, will continue to repeat the behavior in which they receive the most attention. So try, try, try to choose your battles and try, try, try to reward the positive more than the negative.

Second, rewards have to start off plentiful in the beginning and then taper off. If you see the behavior you want to improve, congratulate your child each and every time. As the days/weeks/months go on, do not reward as frequently. This teaches the child that they do not always get a pat on the back for making the right choice. You can choose to reward every other time, every third time, etc. If they inappropriate behavior starts escalating again, you may have to reward again. Just make sure your child is not manipulating the situation. And this is a good time to point out that M&M's cannot be given forever. While tangible rewards, or rewards they can touch/feel, are good, the child needs to be weaned from them eventually.

Finally, vary the types of rewards as you are encouraging the behavior. One time, give a tangible reward, one time a star on a chart (or for a few times until they reach the goal), one time a pat on the back or a hug. Don't let your child think they get something every time they do something good. We want our children to feel good about themselves without someone else telling us to feel good. Do not overload with your rewards, but point out to the child that they made a good choice and they should feel good about it.

This is teaching our children lifelong behaviors for the benefit of everyone in the family.