How To Reward- Part 4

In the last post on preschool behavior, I discussed choosing your battles. Today, I will explain how I see rewards used appropriately. This is from more of a classroom technique, but can be applied at home too. This is also for one behavior at a time. While adult brains can process multiple learning at the same time, preschoolers need one focus. Pick the behavior you want to change the most and not focus too much on other behaviors. It will get too confusing for your child.

First, it is true, try to "accentuate the positive!" If you reward the positive, then your child is getting attention for the behaviors you want to see increase. If you only discipline the negative, an attention seeking child, ie: most preschoolers, will continue to repeat the behavior in which they receive the most attention. So try, try, try to choose your battles and try, try, try to reward the positive more than the negative.

Second, rewards have to start off plentiful in the beginning and then taper off. If you see the behavior you want to improve, congratulate your child each and every time. As the days/weeks/months go on, do not reward as frequently. This teaches the child that they do not always get a pat on the back for making the right choice. You can choose to reward every other time, every third time, etc. If they inappropriate behavior starts escalating again, you may have to reward again. Just make sure your child is not manipulating the situation. And this is a good time to point out that M&M's cannot be given forever. While tangible rewards, or rewards they can touch/feel, are good, the child needs to be weaned from them eventually.

Finally, vary the types of rewards as you are encouraging the behavior. One time, give a tangible reward, one time a star on a chart (or for a few times until they reach the goal), one time a pat on the back or a hug. Don't let your child think they get something every time they do something good. We want our children to feel good about themselves without someone else telling us to feel good. Do not overload with your rewards, but point out to the child that they made a good choice and they should feel good about it.

This is teaching our children lifelong behaviors for the benefit of everyone in the family.